This Floating Excrement Was Way Too Meaningful! These Are the TV Disappointments of the Past Year.
Looking back, we consider the TV offerings of the recent year, a selection of shows emerge not for their excellence, but for their spectacular shortcomings. From cringe-inducing sequels to bafflingly poor documentaries, here are the productions that left us utterly bewildered or just reaching for the remote.
And Just Like That
Where to begin with this love/hate follow-up? Plagued with woeful scripts, painful arcs (justice for Miranda!), and a mere 71 seconds of beloved Samantha, the series fought to justify its existence. For a moment, as the final series began, it looked like it had at last found its groove. Then came an installment all about Seema’s natural deodorant. Little surprise the creator declared this would be the final season. It concluded on a bum note; the closeup of Miranda’s loo flooded with poo was simply too on-the-nose. Yet, fans undeniably found joy picking apart every single “what on earth?” episode. And as Carrie – once again single – twirled around her sprawling townhouse to Barry White, who couldn't let out a little sob?
The Kim Kardashian Drama
‘Can Kim Kardashian act? The answer is a resounding no.’
But that was almost the smallest of this show's issues. The recipient of a exceedingly uncommon zero star assessment, it was hard to know where to start listing the problems. The hilariously leaden dialogue? The tedious veneration of affluence and materialism? The seemingly deliberate procession of cliches? Performances so poor they felt almost malicious? Suffice it to say “each and every one” and never speak of this series again. Except, a new season has been ordered, so we’re probably going to have to.
The Charlie Sheen Documentary
Given the legal troubles, abuse allegations and fatherly failures, it’s fair to say Charlie Sheen has been a bad boy. Not you’d truly have known it from this multi-part docuseries which chuckled along at Sheen’s various bouts of self-destructive excess while struggling to tell us anything we didn’t already know. Instead, it felt as if this loose cannon was being pandered to, so any pity this show might evoke should be reserved for the people who have had to endure close contact with this charismatic but flippant narcissist.
The Supercomputer Drama
Naturally we understood it was preposterous from the get-go: a thriller about a supercomputer known as Charlie Big Potatoes that could either save the world – or annihilate all of humanity. We persevered out of sheer love for its stars … but by the end, it felt like even they had given up trying. One scarcely cared when his character died, and the other ended up slicing Charlie with an axe … in painfully slow-motion. That's what you call admitting defeat.
The Gangster Drama
Dodgy characters meeting in empty boxing gyms? A certain band's Firestarter blaring in club scenes? The late 90s called and demands its gangland drama back.
In truth, that is harsh on the crime shows of the late 90s. Many seem a little dated now, but at least they didn’t suffer the embarrassment of having to indulge baffling dialects. But there were many other issues. Primarily that it was just profoundly dull; a conflict over drug-selling territory between various London picaresques which seemed rather simplistic.
The Meghan Markle Series
Given the extent to which she grinds the gears of certain performatively enraged commentators, it’s almost easy to applaud the Duchess of Sussex’s various ventures into twee homemaking as deliberate provocations. But then you view them and are compelled to concede that in this case, they may have a point. It’s like watching a lifestyle magazine come to life; a meme for wine o’clock with ideas of grandeur; a parade of sleeping dogs, buzzing beehives, sentimental sayings and forgettable crafting “tips” you’ll forget instantly. All supported by vast, mostly unearned wealth. Ugh.
The Beckham Documentary
There are obviously interesting things to be discussed about both Victoria Beckham and her struggles with career, identity, self-acceptance. But for some reason, this documentary series chose not to say them. Instead, the viewing was akin to reading a marketing brochure. She clearly has every right to resent what she describes as her “stern” image. But unfortunately, she didn’t do herself any favours with this cagey non-event of a series.
The Inheritance
It should have been the next cultural phenomenon – except even camper, with a glamorous star as a deceased benefactor and a sharp-tongued personality managing her estate. What more could you want? As contestants battled it out, there was plenty of backstabbing and squabbling. But the rules quickly became incomprehensible: it’s still too confusing to detail what exactly was happening. Even more regrettably, we only saw glimpses of the star via prerecorded videos. The series ended up smelling of a production that was trying way too hard to emulate something far greater than it.
Too Much
How do you succeed a show that captured a generation? The expectation was immense for this glitzy romcom about Jessica, a hopeful New Yorker who arrives in London with a broken heart. The lead actress took her biggest role by the horns and was a delight to watch, embodying Jane Austen levels of romantic notions. But it was all very glossy and, paradoxically, was insufficient. Plus, the abundance of celebrity cameos involved felt uncomfortable.
Mitchell & Webb Are Not Helping
Not good enough to be ‘patchy’.
Given the smart recruitment of talented emerging comics, expectations were high. But unhappily, most of it fell flat. A particular sketch was a single joke stretched to a dry pulp but repeated in every episode. One star seemed too willing to slip into a well-known irate mode. The behind-the-scenes sketches, in contrast, simply provoked the idea that they should probably have stayed in there a bit longer.
The Knox Dramatisation
This dramatisation of the story of Amanda Knox was executive produced by Amanda Knox and pretty much solely presented the perspective of Amanda Knox. So, while there undoubtedly is an compelling drama to be made about the horrific 2007 murder, this isn’t it. The subject matter needed to be treated sensitively. Instead, the series laboured awkwardly to find the right voice, lurching from oddly jaunty, somewhat stylised farce to ultimately, real-life horror. Complex? Arguably. A total mess? Very much so.
Prime Target
We love the lead actor … but did we believe him playing the greatest maths genius since, a man so smart he’s on the brink of a breakthrough that could ruin society? Nope! This international thriller about government agencies spying on – and killing off – academics frankly got more farcical by the second. Formulaic nonsense.
1000 Men and Me: The Bonnie Blue Story
This hagiography followed the online personality renowned for explicit exploits as she undertook her most extreme feat yet. What on earth would motivate her? What we craved was far greater interrogation of her true psyche, plus those of the men in the line. They could at least have interviewed the now-famous mum who showed up to haul her son away from the queue. What we got was horrific shots and zero interrogation of her notoriety whatsoever. It's staggering to consider, the documentary-maker has a young daughter too.
